Are you the type of person who runs out of things to say on a date or at networking events, and feels really dumb and embarrassed?
Do you wish you could be the outgoing individual who dominates the conversation at parties – and never runs out of things to say…
It’s actually pretty easy.
In fact, it’s the natural human state to be able talk endlessly – once you get out your own way.
Don’t believe me? Then answer me this…
How come you never run out of things to say with trusted friends or family members?
The answer is: because you don’t really care what they think of your conversation topics.
You can chat absolute nonsense with them, remain confident that they like you and still have a great time.
So, what happens when we’re faced with someone we don’t know as well.
Suddenly, we set all these STANDARDS for our conversations. We want to impress people with our chatter. We filter ourselves, because we’re worried about what’s ‘good enough’ to say. Inevitably, these standards make us run out of words.
And that’s when we feel really stupid and awkward.
In fact, the fear of ‘running out of things to say’ often stops us approaching her in the first place.
This is such a waste – because these standards are NEVER necessary.
Your words really don’t matter
You’ve probably heard that only 7% of communication is verbal. The other 93% is made up of voice tone (38%) and body language (55%).
Why are you so worried about such a miniscule percentage?
In my book The Thrill Of The Chase, I tell the story of first meeting a girlfriend and delivering the dumbest opening line.
“You like my shirt? It’s ironed.”
I thought it was brilliant at the time…Lucky it only counted for 7% of my communications.
Thanks to the other 93%, she could still tell I was flirting with her. She could tell I was in an amazing mood. She could tell I thought I was awesome. This was written all over my face, body and voice. And that’s all that mattered.
Your true emotions always shine through in your sub-communications. So it really doesn’t matter what you say.
Enthusiasm is infectious
If you think you’re awesome and people should love what you have to say, that’s what tends to happen.
Check out my buddy Ciaran Callam demonstrating this.
Dropping Knowledge #6 How to talk so other people listen! #breakthematrix #confidence #selfconfidence #anxiety #socialanxiety #socialexperiment #fear #life #persuasion #happiness #fun #selfhelp #happiness #personaldevelopment #selfbelief #selfesteem #selfworth #confident #rsd #pua #motvation #motivated #success #attitude #depression #stress #psychology #bravery @cthagod
Once you realise this, you’ll never worry about someone finding you boring. You can make the most tedious topic in the world sound interesting if you speak about it with enthusiasm.
A couple of my YouTube guilty pleasures:
- Watching these two play The Sims
- Watching this guy talk about wrestling
Now I’m an adult, I have no interest in these things, but their enthusiasm makes me click every time. They find it interesting, and therefore so do I.
It’s really all you need to be a successful vlogger or podcaster. This is all it took for PewDiePie and KSI to get rich playing video games. Some people call it charisma, it’s really just letting your enthusiasm shine through.
No-one really cares if a conversation flows logically
A lot of men are very logically-minded and believe that conversations need to have to a linear structure to make sense.
That’s nonsense. As long as there’s good vibes, no-one really cares what you talk about or how often you change the subject.
Seriously, listen in on two women gossiping on the phone…
Stop caring so much
Want more? Here are 7 clever strategies for speaking endlessly on a date.
You don’t need these though. Just stop caring what other people think about your chatter, start saying what makes YOU feel good, and you’ll be golden to never be lost for words again.